Front Porch Saturday – Sometimes It’s What’s Unsaid That Matters

My mother has never been demonstrative. There were no hugs and kisses just because, no smiles of love and few words of encouragement.

I’ve seen her cry exactly twice in my life. Once when my sister and I were leaving to go back to my dad’s, where we lived for the school year. Once when she found out her mother passed away. Neither were big sob sessions, but rather a few tears quickly swiped away.

Hard to get used to even when you’re growing up with it. Probably especially hard for a child who needs that emotional support. However, I’m an adult now and have learned to pick up the subtle clues that she loves me.

She recently returned from a trip to Vietnam and as we stood in the kitchen while she cooked her dinner and I made food for my son–yes, we all live together–my mother said the following.

If you and your family weren’t here I would have come home to a lonely house. Jennifer and Jeffery are always gone. I guess if it were just me I’d get a little apartment and be by myself.

I said, “Does that mean you’re glad we live with you?”

She said, “No, I’m just musing aloud.”

But yes people, what I said is exactly what she meant. (I even told the story to my sister to get her opinion. She laughed and said, “Poor Mom. She doesn’t know how to express emotions.”)

She’s got to see her grandson grow from a newborn to a running, laughing toddler. Something she’s missed out on with all her other grandkids. She and I have grown a lot closer. The woman tells me all kinds of things I’d rather not hear. And she has someone who likes to garden with her and eat vegetarian dishes–my husband.

So, you see, sometimes it really is what’s left unsaid that matters. Yes, it’s always nice to hear “I love you,” but I’ve learned to read in between the lines.

My advice, listen a little more carefully and you might hear all kinds of nice things.